Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
