Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
