I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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