Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
