Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
