would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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