he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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