Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
