There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
