Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
