I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
