Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
