I am in a vortex of obligation.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
