Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
