And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
