In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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