Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't deserve a penis
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
