but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
