you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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