i already hear my dad disowning me
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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