i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
