I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
