i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
