I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
