I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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