shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
