so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
