my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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