My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
