Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
