Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
