come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
