My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
