She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
