at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
