Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
