census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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