At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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