the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
