And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
