So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
