oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
