dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
