I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
