So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
