how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
