Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
