ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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