I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When are your genitals available?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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