When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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