Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i out mim tonsoeep
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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