my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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