I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
