I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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