I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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