i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
