Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
