If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
