I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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