Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
