I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
